Well folks, hello again.

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This past winter break has been… unhappy. I’ve done a lot of soul-searching; but not a whole lot of soul-finding. The only thing that scares me more than hiding out in my house by myself is going back to school, and having to face all the complicated drama of schoolwork (and missing assignments), friends that hate each other, facing a certain someone, and actually having to get dressed and look presentable (no more staying in my pajamas until four in the afternoon and waking up only three hours before that.). But that’s not all. No longer can I simply sit around by the computer all day, pretending that no world other than that of the Yu Yu Hakusho episodes I’m watching exists. No longer can I simply stand around by the fridge whenever I want, eating whatever I want. Basically, no longer can I act like a lazy bum. :-/

But, on the upside, I get to be with my friends again, and away from my family 7.5+ hours of the day. Definitely an improvement.

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Ooh, a new year.

I actually haven’t made any resolutions. It’s not that I don’t have things I’d like to do; but rather I know that telling myself to do something just because would be pointless. Either I want it or I don’t; either I’ll work toward it or I won’t. No dumb resolution is going to change that.

It’s strange; January’s my favorite month of the year;, but it’s also the most stressful and depressing month for me (well, at least it HAS been in the past few years). Where, oh where, is that beautiful, peaceful, and calming snow that should most definitely be here by now? It’s pretty enough as it is outside, but usually, I’m in too crappy of a mood to truly appreciate it.

How the fuck did I get to be so sullen and cynical anyway? …Maybe it’s the stress from all the schoolwork I haven’t done. I don’t WANT to do it; and yet knowing that it’s hanging over my head makes me tense, too. A kind of double-edge sword, if you will.

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Sometimes I wonder if this stubborn, hopeful feeling of love is all that’s keeping me going. Even though I know it’s pointless, I can’t help but thinking that if there’s some slim chance he actually cares about me, then everything will be alright.

Then again, every time I think that, a new phrase comes to mind; Jim Morrison’s quote, “Love cannot save you from your fate”. …So does it matter, then? Does it really matter if he loves me back? Sooner or later (and likely the former of the two) my world’s going to come crashing down on me like the inevitable rain. Talent can only get you through life to a point; then comes all the hard work; all the hard work that I can’t seem to put out.

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*Sighs*.

I can’t do it. I could do it. I won’t do it.

I need to do it.

It? What do I mean by it?

Live. Really, truly live. Not just sit around, ignore the world and let life pass me by. I have to PRODUCE.

And if I keep procrastinating, I’m likely going to find that I’m OLD and that it’s too late. Maybe it already is. …When I’m dead, it won’t really matter. But I’m not ready for death. Nor am I ready for life.

I’m a mess.

[n] a person who is unusual
[n] deviation from the normal or common order or form or rule

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I am:

Bummed out; I finally finished my friend’s commission (not Ria’s, though, sorry), and I made a copy (1) and gave her the original… however, I just found out that the file is corrupt. Which means that Ican’t post it for you guys.

Lonely/wistful; There’s this guy… and for the second year in a row, I’m going on winter break, knowing that I won’t see or hear from him at all for two weeks. It tears me up inside. But at least he has my music… I’m wondering what he is thinking of the CD. I also am wondering what he’ll be doing for two weeks, or more specifically, seventeen days. He’ll probably see his girlfriend. My mind jumps. What will they do? What have they done together? I hate the way I think. It’s none of my goddamn business… But, somehow, I can’t help but to care. I can’t help but to be curious of what it would be like if I was her. X{

Tired/sick; I’m so freakin’ tired. Really, I came home yesterday from La Chocolatada set up, and almost immediately fell asleep. I went to bed early last night (early, as in nine or so). Upon coming home from the actual La Chocolatada program today, I quite literally fell over on my bed. When my mom yelled at me for sleeping during the day, I went downstairs and slept on the basement couch. Bleh. I also feel all sore and achy and my throat hurts. Damn.

Stressed; I’m so incredibly behind on school work… and my portfolio needs to be updated so that I can continue the application process to the (art) Summer Residential Governor’s School.

Inspired; I want to create and amazing conceptual piece of art… soon. Not sure of what yet, though. I ought to work on Ria’s commission, I suppose…

Eager; for Christmas (and presents) and the end of break, when I’ll get to see mis amigos again. Spending this much time with mi familia no es divertido. :-/

The rule is simple: you write under this Journal "yes, I want to be featured" then I will choose three pieces that I like from your galleries and post them here in my Journal.
(unfortunately i dont have a subscription so there will just be links to the pictures)

／l、
（ﾟ､ ｡ ７
l、 ~ヽ <-- is a kitty? MEOW (stoled from blasianonna hehe)
じしf_, )ノ


You are meant to do the same - posting the Journal to get 10 names for feature works.

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"That's what real love amounts to- letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending- performing. You get to love your pretence. It's true, we're locked in an image, an act- and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like you're trying to steal their most precious possession."

- Jim Morrison

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He's got a point. What do you guys think?